Abusive relationships are found amongst all types of relationships. For example, one can be a victim of their spouse, their boss, their parent, a friend, their doctor, even their own children. This article will focus on abusive relationships between spouses; what it is, and how victims can get help.

Sadly, abusive relationships amongst spouses are not all that uncommon. Sometimes, the behaviour is somewhat subtle, and it does not necessarily exist in the capacity that we see in the movies, although these types of relationships can also found in today’s society.

The abuser’s goal is to gain total control over the victim; and they may attempt this in a number of different ways. The abuser may use tactics of physical, verbal, mental/emotional, sexual, and financial/economic abuse in attempt to get the victim into a submissive state, whereby they are completely reliant on the abuser in all aspects of life.

Many people do not realize, while others do not want to admit that they live in an abusive relationship; however, it is most important that one recognize their circumstances as a first step to fixing the situation. If you realize that you have an abusive spouse and need help, contact one of our solicitors near you for a confidential consultation.

In studies carried out on abusive behaviour, it has been said that there is a cycle of abuse. Each stage can last minutes or months, but recognizing them is key. The cycle is as follows:

1.  Tension Building – tension is rising, abuser getting angrier, victim feels urge to appease abuser so as to not reach incident phase;

2.  Incident or Acting out Phase – when any type of abusive behaviour is shown by the abuser (emotional, physical, sexual, verbal, etc.);

3.  Honeymoon or Reconciliation phase – apologies by abuser, may blame victim for the behaviour of the abuser, may beg for forgiveness and make promises that it will never occur again, may also be very affectionate with victim;

4.  Calm before Tension Building again – abuser may stop abusive behaviour making victim believe the promises made during the honeymoon phase, the abuser may give gifts to the victim and make the victim believe there will be no more abusive behaviour.

If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic abuse, in addition to contact a solicitor, for immediate help and support, visit The Hidden Hurt website. Here, you will also find more information on the cycle discussed above.

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